Just look...

Today is Mother's day and this year I decided to change my thoughts and many things about me that I have been working on for a few years now. I would like to share my perspective on this change with you all.

When you decide to observe without any judgment, what many don't understand is that your brain shifts from a reactive state to a receptive, curious state, activating the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens (reward circuitry) while suppressing the amygdala's automatic stress response. This creates mental space, reducing cognitive load and allowing for increased focus, calm, and emotional regulation.

For many years, because I was still in the process of healing It was hard for me to understand the reason why my son was the way he was, and the reasoning behind his behaviour.

Today, after many years of working on my mental health and treating myself with love and empathy and delicacy, and working on myself daily like we all should, I decided to accept the invitation to my son's new home and just listen and observe. With no judgement. After an amazing dinner cooked by my son's girlfriend, I just observed.

When you choose curiosity over judgment, dopamine floods the brain's reward pathways, fostering a desire to learn rather than to defend, which stimulates the hippocampus to encode new information. Judgment operates via avoidance circuits that flag things as "unsafe," activating stress responses. Non-judgmental observation ("neutral awareness") calms these circuits, breaking cycles of anxiety and reactivity. Instead of operating on autopilot (emotional reaction), you engage the prefrontal cortex, strengthening your ability to pause, separate yourself from your thoughts, and choose an intentional response over a habitual one. You stop labeling experiences as good or bad, which reduces emotional attachment to thoughts and diminishes feelings of shame or anger.

The question is... Can you just look at someone, or something, without judging?

At first glance, observing and judging might seem similar. Both involve noticing what's happening around you. But in truth, they are worlds apart. Observation means you simply notice something as it is, without immediately deciding if it's good or bad, right or wrong.

What does it mean to observe thoughts without judgment?

It's the process of stepping back from things like thoughts to seek a more objective view. The idea is that we reduce reactivity by looking at the experience with fewer stories, judgments, and opinions. We step back to understand the event with more clarity and less reactivity.

I emphasize this because... because the level of understanding that I was able to obtain when I listened to my son explain to his girlfriend's sister his view, his experience, and his thoughts on what he went through when I was intubated in December of 2024. I was able to listen to the amount of hurt, fear, and stress that he faced when, while at work, he received a call telling him your mother is "getting medevacked to Boston". The doctors did not want to say anything else. To hear the fear in his voice, to hear what the doctors told him and the decisions that he had to take at that moment, led me to finally understand many things that, because of my constant judging, I was not able to see nor undestand.

Many times, all we need to do is look at the people that we love and listen to what they have to say without judgment.

Did you know that fear can be interpreted in angry behaviors when anger acts as a defense mechanism to mask vulnerability, control, or insecurity? Anger often acts as a "secondary emotion" to fear, where individuals lash out—via aggression, defensiveness, or contempt—to feel empowered rather than fearful, helpless, or out of control. Anger can be a way to create a false sense of security. If someone is terrified of loss, they may act aggressively to dominate the situation and suppress their underlying helplessness.

• Passive-Aggression: Harboring resentment instead of expressing anger directly.

• People-Pleasing: Neglecting personal needs to avoid conflict.

• Withdrawal/Isolation: Pushing people away, avoiding intimacy, or avoiding social situations.

• Substance Abuse: Using substances to manage or mask the hidden pain. 

Today I choose to see the people I love with compassion, and although I choose my peace; and It was an amazing experience to listen and observe. I'm just blessed to have chosen to change and live a better life for myself, and that self-love, discipline, and constant evolution and learning gave me an amazing experience of seeing what was always in front of me, but I had never chosen to see.

To everyone out there, these are my thoughts and my experiences, and I hope that they can help us see things in a much better understanding of the people around us...